A Win vs. a Victory

Each time the NBA winds up to the Finals I often remind myself of the difference between a win and a victory.

Whether you’re rooting for the favored team or not, when all is said and done, look at the expression of the players of both teams after the final seconds run out. It might be difficult at first but associate the win with one team, and the victory with another team. My opinion is that oftentimes a great series that takes it to the sixth or seventh game, those labels are split between the two teams. The series that end in four games usually has one team taking a win, and neither a victory. Or is it?

When the heavily-favored team dominates a game 150 to30, that was just a blowout … no, just kidding; it’s actually just a win. Not to take anything away from the winning team, but they were expected to win. On the other hand if the struggling team takes the series to seven games, and loses, did they really lose? What if they had depth issues all season, injuries left and right, barely winning their post-season games AND taking the championship to the seventh game? Many teams wish they would have made it that far. Who would’ve thought they would make it this far?

In life we are put through a series of tests, whether they are standardized tests in school or tests in life. Growing up I saw a lot of material items that was left to be desired, as that’s all they were, due to financial constraints. Nevertheless, I saw a few childhood friends get their wins in life early on, or so it seemed. From sporting the bling, driving in their expensive vehicles, flashing their cash and buying whatever they wanted … all as such a young age, too. As many other childhood friends grew out of the hype of this easy life of hustling on the street, we all later realize that we who have survived this long actually accomplished a victory. Each time we hit a milestone in life, positive or negative, was a victory as I guarantee you that many in the outside world did not see us surviving, let alone accomplishing much.

In an earlier chapter in my life, I can remember when I reached the final oral interview panel for the FBI Special Agent Selection System. I can remember how much focus was put on the neighborhood I grew up in, and how I managed to pull through. (I just want to add that today I wouldn’t dare walk through my ol’ neighborhood now without a protective detail of mercenaries.) However, I remember during my FBI screening that after basically defending myself fit, due to list of childhood friends who were now probably on their watch list, I experienced a paradigm shift at some point. It was one of those “wait a second, I didn’t make it this far to feel inferior about my background” and I ended up feeling prouder during the remainder of the interview, knowing, no, feeling the victory I had accomplished in life sitting in front of those senior FBI Agents.

A win is a moment celebrated and may soon be forgotten; a victory is a feeling that lives on within us and is forever.

As many of you feel like you’re not winning at anything: school, sports, career, or relationships, what about LIFE? I encourage you to look back at your life and the victories you’ve failed to celebrate. Stand proud at what many can only imagine, yet you’ve lived through and pulled through, VICTORIOUSLY.

Oakley-dokely!

Keep things in perspective

What separates the champion from an amateur? We can spend a volume on this topic, but one of the key components is keeping things in perspective.

Kobe Bryant lives about fifteen minutes away from me. If one day we go one-on-one on the blacktop it would be a mismatch: size, ability, and preparation. Had the case been one-on-one in hacking into computer code before hot molten lava spills from above, the mismatch could possibly turn to my favor. What about if instead of hot molten lava, it’s just a bucket of water?

The point I make here is keeping things in perspective.

A pickup game at Kobe’s house: I know it’s just a game; he knows it’s just a game. At the end we both kick back with our family and just laugh. I may actually scored some points along the way. However, if I talked smack and he called me out at the Staples Center and all the world is watching, I will basically be fighting for pride, because I’m about to be the laughing stock of the year. Kobe may see the fire in my eyes, and to make sure he displays his skill and sportsmanship, he gets his game face on … and schools me, in style of course. This isn’t because he’s not under any pressure. It’s because he is trained to perceive the pressure situation and deal with it. He’s still under pressure from the fans at the arena and on the airwaves to perform in Kobe-style. He’s still under pressure to watch out for an over-aggressive opponent who might inadvertently injure him from a wild move.

All in all the champion will keep the situation in perspective. The champion knows it’s not a life or death situation. The champion knows this is just a game. The amateur, on the other hand, may actually perceive this as a life or death situation. The amateur begins to make mistakes because his perspective is off. Remember this is just a game.

In any level of sport: its regular season, quarterfinals, semifinals, or championship game, preparation is essential to keep things in perspective. Champions do not lose their cool at each stage. One of the differences between one-time champs or three-peat champs keeping each game into perspective. Some say this is keeping your cool. In the NCAA’s March Madness it’s always neat to see 15^th seed teams progress to the next round. They’re the underdogs but for them it’s just a game, a game that they will play just like all the other games they played that got them to that 15^th seed. The higher seeds may have lost their perspective and may not have played like all the other games that got them the higher seed.

As we progress in our school years, in our career, in our family, or in our life, condition yourself to put things in perspective. My seven year old son is going through multiplication exercises and should focus on those twenty math problems on the sheet. At homework time he should just look at this stressful event as what it really is, just twenty math problems on the sheet. It’s not going to kill him to work through them. He might as well pull in all those addition exercises he’s learned from previous stressful events. Remember, it’s just another sheet of math problems.

Expanding on this: you did not become Director of IT to panic at a server upgrade, you did not become the Pastor of a Church to panic at a scandal, and you did not make it to final round of Who wants to be a millionaire to panic on the last question. Keep your cool.

One day when I do have that one-on one with Kobe I plan to play it like any other game. I will not remember it as a day I missed my shots, walked, or tripped on my shoes. I’ll be just as clumsy with the handling, and I’ll be just as off with my shots. It’s just a game. Why ruin the moment? One thing for certain is that I played a game against Kobe, and I’ll remember that game as we sip on some drinks afterwards as we watch our kids play in the backyard.

There are far worse challenges out there that may actually be life threatening. Whatever life throws at you, accept it as a challenge, and put everything into perspective.

Oakley-dokely!

Would you buy you?

I had the pleasure reconnect with my friend Michelle recently after a couple of decades. It’s interesting to find out how we’ve changed, and how we’ve stayed the same. After all these years one thing that remained true was how postiveness (that’s not even a word) just beams from her. From seventh grade on, she could tell you the best news, the worst news, and just so-so news and you would feel reassured in the end that you were not “going to kill the messenger.”

One of our recent conversations was my comments on dealing with a person of power who just brings you down when having conversation with that person. We will not get into the specifics of that conversation or individual. However it does help me focus on “how do you sell yourself?”

The easiest example to discuss is the topic of selling is how it relates to products actually for sale. I know a neighbor who observed a local grocery store’s non-moving products (the non-national brand versions). With his background in packaging he asked the store manager if he could run a pilot program for select items. The approval sent him on a project to repackage the products and put them back on the shelves and track the sales. The non-moving items sold, without having to drop the original price! This interesting concept of repackaging and selling is not a breakthrough concept, but, rather, an exercise that needs revisiting more frequently.

Take the example of my friend Michelle. After 20 years if the initial contact sent back and forth displayed a packaging that was not congruent, we would have just had a cordial recap and may stay buddies. Would I buy Michelle again after all this time? Would Michelle buy herself again? Would I buy myself again? What if people put a façade up just for the reconnection? That would certainly work as well, right? But the truth will come out eventually, and at that point, you’ve lost a customer, and word of mouth has an upper hand to any further fake repackaging.

Whether it’s a first date, a job interview, or any form of initial contact, you have about 90 seconds or less to engage in two-way window shopping. How often have you examined yourself to see if you would buy you? Are you in moments where you exude the thought: “Here is a person who has self-respect. Her demeanor shows she is credible and important. I should treat her that way.” You owe it to yourself to look and feel your best. I’m not asking you to wear custom-tailored apparel every waking minute, or to have reconstructive surgery for various enhancements.

Honestly, I live in Orange County, CA, but I was raised in Prince George’s County, MD. In PG County, you can ONLY have self-respect to survive. It’s amusing to come from that environment and move to The OC and just observe people. Don’t get me wrong, I totally LOVE Orange County and many many many OC individuals. However, you do not need to wear flashy clothing or have surgeries to sell yourself positively. It certainly doesn’t hurt, though. However, at the end of the day would you buy yourself? If all you had were your good looks, your clothes, your cars, your money … that’s all that people would look at you as resembling. You will be invited to the VIP events, you will be invited to sit in the reserved booths at sporting events, you will be in the company of the A-list individuals … but so do others. In the long run, genuineness and self-respect contribute to your overall self-confidence, your self-packaging, and your acceptance.

On July 18^th Orange County will have its inaugural OC Mud Run. We’ve never run in the mud before (except as kids), let alone 5K of it, plus obstacles. Our team is comprised of a fashion model/golfer, student/entrepreneur/golfer, hotel mgmt/dad to two All Star soccer daughters, dad/TV & movie star/motorcycle rider, and dad/Oakley fanatic/newbie sky diver. We are definitely not your typical action sports dream team … or are we? We’ve teamed up and will endure a 5K obstacle course in the mud, along with many other competitors. We’re competitors in our own respect, yet we respect each other more importantly. Our team name and motto for this event is: “Pride Chickenz: We may be chickens … but we’ve got pride!!!”

Do you think you’re important? Do you think you deserve respect? Do your actions sell you properly? Would you buy yourself?

Oakley-dokely!