Foosball lesson

I have a nice championship foosball table at home, and recently my wife has been beating me (close games I might add). It’s neat how we can get pretty animated during these daily matches, while our stationary players stuck on steel rods just spin away. Last night after a great workout she challenged me again. I prefaced this match with a, “I hurt my left wrist from tonight’s workout, so my backfield won’t be scoring goals tonight.” (I have a killer spin that scores a majority of my goals from the lower left corner!) She said that was just another excuse to her beating me … no mercy, I tell ya! (This time my pain was for real, though.)

With not much torque action with my left wrist, this game I focused on my front lines to keep the ball past midfield and the backfield was strictly for blocking goals and feeding to the midfielders. Fast forwarding to the end, I won 10-6. Simply awesome!

Each time we take the field my four steel rods of foosball players take their positions and play their plastic hearts out. Sometimes they win and sometimes they lose. Nevertheless when called upon, they’re never late for practice and they’re always there at the games come rain or shine. One thing that kept them united was the coach’s guidance, and the players’ commitment to play until the whistle blew.

Isn’t this what the coaches see as the “big picture?” They’re constantly evaluating the players’ strengths and weaknesses and adjusting the game. In the past my backfield provided key goals, yet the other rods of players were always there and still part of the team. When called upon, they delivered as they were part of the team. They earned their place on the team and as they say, “A team is only as strong as its weakest member.” Last night the weakest members were the backfield, and the rest of the plastic players stepped up and scored goals and defended the midfield. Together they were able to beat the dominant dynasty my wife’s been coaching on the foosball table the past few weeks.

When you’re on a team you practice as a team, you play as a team, you win as a team, and you lose as a team. Each one earned a spot on the team, while some make receive more of the spotlight. It’s fine. Remember, the team name is what’s on the front of the jerseys, not what’s on the back. Don’t be just another number; be a team player. Earn your place on the team, but more importantly, earn the respect of your team. Be prepared to be in the shadows, but continue to play your part.

This is true as well in family life. Yes the figure heads are there to provide for the family, and the little bobble heads in the family continue to do their thing. When the little bobble heads have trouble with a school project do you let them suffer to burn the midnight oil on a second grade presentation or should you offer some suggestions for a more comedic approach in order to ace that oral? When you’ve had the most tiring day ever, do you lay down for some me time, or should you ask if your spouse’s day was even more frustrating? You can be the most relaxed and refreshed bobble head in the family, but your fellow bobble heads may soon bobble into shambles before your very eyes.

As my left wrist recovers, it looks like my four steel rods of foosball players will do just fine in the art of teamwork as they always have.

On a team, expect to be in the superstar’s shadow, but continue to play your role well, as you earned that jersey as well. Are your actions ready for the spotlight should that moment arrive?

Oakley-dokely!

Just an "average person"

You will become the average of those people you choose to associate with and surround yourself with.

Read that a couple of times and think about the sense it makes.

Whatever subjective scale you benchmark against, when you associate with folks in the 8s and 9s, and if you consider yourself a 5, then your performance will eventually average somewhere between 5 and 8. Now if you consider yourself a 5, yet STILL associate with the 3s and 4s, mathematically you can find the average you'll eventually progress towards.

Ask yourself ...

When you've set a goal to bench press some really heavy weights, will you train with the person who is at the gym working on toning/maintaining, or others who can bench press Smart Cars parked in the parking lot?

When you want to win the 4x100 at the company's upcoming relay race, will you train with the weekend joggers, or with those who can catch up to a runaway shopping cart about to hit your freshly-waxed BMW?

When you strive to build a profitable business, do you network with those who work to get paid or those who are able to pay others to work for them?

When you are the founder of a start up company making phenomenal growth in your industry, do you want to be advised by other start up newbies or by those who have seen both the good cycles and the bad cycles of start ups?

You will become the average of those people you choose to associate with and surround yourself with.

Now some may think I'm crazy for reading this out of context, but there are some that will totally understand my next statement...

"I hope to surround myself with a bunch of failures."

I will let the following article speak for itself:


"Peter, I'd like you to stay for a minute after class." Calvin teaches my favorite body conditioning class at the gym.

"What'd I do?" I asked him.

"It's what you didn't do."
"What didn't I do?"

"Fail."

"You kept me after class for not failing?"

"This," he began to mimic my casual weight lifting style, using weights that were obviously too light, "is not going to get you anywhere. A muscle only grows if you work it till it fails. You need to use more challenging weights. You need to fail."

Calvin's onto something.

Every time I ask a room of executives to list the top five moments their career took a leap forward — not just a step, but a leap — failure is always on the list. For some it was the loss of a job. For others it was a project gone bad. And for others still it was the failure of a larger system, like an economic downturn, that required them to step up.

Yet most of us spend a tremendous effort trying to avoid even the possibility of failure.

According to Dr. Carol Dweck, professor at Stanford University, we have a mindset problem. Dweck has done a tremendous amount of research to understand what makes someone give up in the face of adversity versus strive to overcome it.

It turns out the answer is deceptively simple. It's all in your head.

If you believe that your talents are inborn or fixed, then you will try to avoid failure at all costs because failure is proof of your limitation. People with a fixed mindset like to solve the same problems over and over again. It reinforces their sense of competence.

Children with fixed mindsets would rather redo an easy jigsaw puzzle than try a harder one. Students with fixed mindsets would rather not learn new languages. CEOs with fixed mindsets will surround themselves with people who agree with them. They feel smart when they get it right.

But if you believe your talent grows with persistence and effort, then you seek failure as an opportunity to improve. People with a growth mindset feel smart when they're learning, not when they're flawless.

Michael Jordan, arguably the world's best basketball player, has a growth mindset. Most successful people do. In high school he was cut from the basketball team but that obviously didn't discourage him: "I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career, I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game wining shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

If you have a growth mindset, then you use your failures to improve. If you have a fixed mindset, you may never fail, but neither do you learn or grow.

In business, we have to be discriminating about when we choose to challenge ourselves. In high risk, high leverage situations, it's better to stay within your current capability. In lower risk situations, where the consequences of failure are less, better to push the envelope. The important point is to know that pushing the envelope, that failing, is how you learn and grow and succeed. It's your opportunity.

Here's the good news: you can change your success by changing your mindset. When Dweck trained children to view themselves as capable of growing their intelligence, they worked harder, more persistently, and with greater success on math problems they had previously abandoned as unsolvable.

A growth mindset is the secret to maximizing potential. Want to grow your staff? Give them tasks above their ability. They don't think they could do it? Tell them you expect them to work at it for a while, struggle with it. That it will take more time than the tasks they're used to doing. That you expect they'll make some mistakes along the way. But you know they could do it.

Want to increase your own performance? Set high goals where you have a 50-70% chance of success. According to Psychologist and Harvard researcher the late David McClelland, that's the sweet spot for high achievers. Then, when you fail half the time, figure out what you should do differently and try again. That's practice. And according to recent studies, 10,000 hours of that kind of practice will make you an expert in anything. No matter where you start.

The next class I did with Calvin, I doubled the weight I was using. Yeah, that's right. Unfortunately, that gave me tendonitis in my elbow, which I'm nursing with rest and ice. Sometimes you can even fail when you're trying to fail.

Hey, I'm learning.

*******
Peter Bregman speaks, writes, and consults about how to lead and how to live. He is the CEO of Bregman Partners, Inc., a global management consulting firm, and advises CEOs and their leadership teams. He is the author of Point B: A Short Guide To Leading a Big Change.
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Find value in failure, in the proper context AND in the proper action ... not inaction ... that you take. You will become the average of those people you choose to associate with and surround yourself with.

Oakley-dokely!

Independence

Wow I can’t believe a whole month went by without an update to my blog. Actually I can … as there were a lot of events during June that ate as much spare time I could spare!

As we approach July 4^th I’m reminded of the word Independence. Not only should we be thankful for oppression the early Colonists fought against and won, but we should remember the independence we have in life.

Often people search far and wide for that thing that will take them to the next level. Whenever a team reaches the finals do they feel like they’re always the underdog? Whether that’s a good thing or a bad thing is how the individual perceives it. Look at from the team that is NOT the underdog. Do they want to just feel like “ehhh … we’re going to win again” because they’re perceived that way? Perhaps they want to elevate their game to produce a VICTORY instead of a WIN.

Whatever situation you’re in, you live in an environment where you don’t have to remain bound by others' limitations on you. You’re in the “land of the free” and you should be able to free yourself! Most of the time these are mental limitations that are keeping you from your independence from these limits. As the 4th of July weekend approaches, think of times you asked your parents for something when you were a child and were innocent of these perceived limitations. The world was open to the doctor/ballerina/President of the United States, who also liked finger painting. What about the Super Bowl champ/NBA star/Park Ranger, who could also take time to build castles from empty boxes? When did you start to take away your own independence? Were you the one who taught yourself the word can’t?

It’s comforting to be reminded of this discussion during my sons’ flag football season that we spent a lot of practice with in May and June. The sports league they participate in have a great balance of sportsmanship and competition.

My Justin was the youngest and the shortest on the team, and played well in his first season. Being part of a team with a spectacular winning season cannot possibly match the gleam in his smile whenever he rushed for yardage because the bigger kids could not run and reach for his flags that were so low to the ground. It was difficult to stop him, because no one told him that he couldn’t get past the kids that were taller, bigger, and faster.

Joshua’s aerial assault in passing developed, because no one told him he can’t run out of the pocket and just fling the ball five to ten yards out, and it was up to the receiver to catch those bricks coming at them.

Yes, on occasion Justin would end up being tackled by accident (in flag football there's no tackling!) because the big kids would come crashing down on him to get his flag. Yes, Joshua hit some faces, both on offense and defense, because he’d let loose on his passing arm. However, they both matured from their experience this season, and they are eager to do flag football again next season … as both had a great time at a winning season.

If Justin had been a startup company competing in the same industry as a more seasoned company, should he shy away from that competition? What if he desired to be in that industry after studying it for a year and worked hard researching and planning? What if he knew he’d have fun at it, while knowing there would be some obstacles along the way?

What about Joshua? Who knew you could harness so much power from a conductor or a generator? Yes the results can be overpowering at times, but perhaps others observing this discovered power can collaborate on controlling and focusing that power?

Whatever you do in life, take a look at limitations others have set for you. You and only you have the power to liberate yourself and get independence from those limitations.

Oakley-dokely!